Smallman Sydrome - 207

Published: 05 January, 2012 - Featured in Skin Deep 207, January, 2012

By the time you read this column, 2012 will be firmly underway and I will definitely have some more ridiculous ink.

I’ve got plans for my skin that always surpass New Year resolutions – in that I always stick to my tattoo plans, but if I resolved to not eat chocolate then I could guarantee that I’d be in hospital choking on a twix by January 2. If I say I’m getting something etched into me, then I always do it. I’ve got a lot of things planned, mind you.

Firstly, there is unfinished business. I want to have my hero/ favourite wrestler/ author, Mick Foley, on my arm in portrait form, accompanied by the little bit of prose he wrote me when I met him in 2011 when I was supporting him on tour; it’s great to confirm that a subject for a tattoo is such a genuinely lovely guy as well.

He’ll be joined by a portrait of another hero – Carry On film star, Kenneth Williams – and my already-finished Ron Burgundy tattoo. I’m also getting some rubber ducks on paper planes, which is a little in-joke with my eight-year-old daughter. She has also insisted that I must get some kind of Hello Kitty tattoo, although most graciously she has insisted that I can choose what everyone’s favourite Japanese cat is wearing as a costume. I do know somebody who already has a Kitty Zombie, so I can’t steal that awesome idea.

I also started something on Twitter as a joke prior to Christmas. Sat with my agent, I decided to come up with the longest hashtag that I could, for a laugh. It was the following:


I sent it without any real thought, and then watched as people retweeted it over and over, with certain famous comedians deciding to take it on board to get me into tattoo-based trouble. I gained 700 followers in a day. As I write this, I’m halfway there and once I hit the target I’ve got to have three of my followers inked onto me: the person who refers the most people, plus two other followers chosen completely at random. I’ll have their little square profile picture on me, plus their name. I reckon by the time I write my next column I’ll be adorned with the design. Just have to hope whoever comes out of the hat doesn’t have anything embarrassing for their avatar picture… like a Nottingham Forest badge or something horrific like that.

Did make me think though, I can’t be the only one with social network-based tattoos, can I? Help me out. If you know someone with their twitter handle on their neck or the blue facebook thumb on their hand with ‘like’ written next to it, then do let me know. And as always, if you are an artist or an aficionado and you’re proud of your more left-of-centre ink then get in touch ASAP. Always love hearing from you.


Text: Jim Smallman